I just have one thing to say:
Sometimes the hardest thing ever will be allowing yourself to be happy. Sometimes you know how to make yourself perfectly happy, perhaps even experienced it. You just won’t let it happen.
It’s so hard to choose to make yourself happy for the rest of your life. Trust me. I know this more than anything else.
xxbisousxx
—> deine sb bis am ende… nicht unsere, aber meine…
It seems so unfair that some people are never loved. I don’t think it’s any fault of their own, but perhaps there’s something they can do about it. There’s a girl here who has done nothing but be nice to me, and yet I never warmed up to her. She talks too much, if you can imagine that! You must think that I talk a great deal, and how can it be that someone talks more than me? Well, believe it when I say it, Megan talks too much. And I feel that it’s not fair, really for someone to have a nervous complaint of talking and yet by their very being, are considered to be a nuisance.
It’s not fair that we criticize and judge people. Perhaps it’s our very nature, to always analyze the situation. Perhaps it’s wrong. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing here in Mainz. I love the cold air here. When I come home at night, and I can breathe in the cold, sharp air. I love the way, the streetlights… their glow falls onto the snow. It reminds me of when I used to go skiing as a child, and around 10 o’clock, and everything was so dark. I remember the way the light used to fall on the snow back then. Some things never change.
I know that it’s been a long time since I’ve written, and I apologize for that. Life is filled with busy nothings. It’s a quick succession, one day without events, another with even less. I don’t know how the time escapes me, but it seems to always drift away from me. I have papers to write now… it’s a lot of fun. The one, I’m going to write about grammatical case. I know you probably have no idea what that means, but it should be fascinating. It’s kind of like the difference between saying:
“I don’t know to whom I’m speaking.”
and
“I don’t know who I am speaking to.”
As you can see, the main difference between these two sentences is the fact that the word ‘who’ has an m on the end of it. Even then you may not know it, the word ‘whom’ is in the objective case. And so when you take the word ‘whom’ out of the objective case, you need to switch the syntax; that is to say, that the word ‘to’ may no longer stand in front of the word ‘who’ but must now stand at the end of the sentence. And so here is the very premise of my paper. By comparing several different languages, one may come to see that case has never been so straightforward. Grammatical case is a very complex subject–one that I find quite intriguing.
I’m currently studying old Norse, among other languages, in order to better understand the evolution of the Germanic languages. It’s really quite amazing when you study linguistics; I don’t know how to explain it. You see, that once you understand a little bit–just the smallest picture–you start to really understand how old and complex our world really is. To see a language evolve is to see people evolve, culture, life as we know it. When you study old languages like old Norse, the so-called language of the Vikings, the vocabulary is much different from studying a language like French. In French, you learn words like: bookcase, homework, and filet mignon. If and when you learn the language of an older people, you learn their words and their way of life. Your vocabulary consists of words like elf, dwarf, and sword. It makes you realize what kind of a life they must have lived. You may read this and think that it’s boring and useless to spend much time on days of old and people who no longer exist. I believe that you can’t know where you’re going, unless you know where you’ve been.
And the thing about linguistics, is that it’s the science of language. It’s amazing when you know, how words are related. Did you ever think about how people say things in one place? Why is it that in England, they say, “trousers”, and in the US we say, “pants”? And yet if you said “pants” in England, they would take that to mean underwear! And what about the word “breeches”? Where I’m from, its kind of like the word “creek”– even though they are both spelled with two e’s, we say them as though they are pronounced with a short i. Alas, “breeches” rhymes with “pitches” and “creek” rhymes with “brick”. And despite all of these differences, they are all considered English. (Just a short note: Coincidentally, the word “breeches” comes from the Old Norse word, “brók.” The main word for pants in German is now “Hose”, but there is also a counterpart for “brók”, “Bruch” which now is related to the word “breaking”, or “breeching”. Weird, isn’t it? I call it *fun* !)
Did you ever hate reading Shakespeare? Perhaps you read the parallel versions like we did in high school. On the left-hand side of the book was some scribbled nonsense about thy art thou something or other, and on the right was something much more easily understood. It used to bother me so much that I couldn’t read the old English. While now I know that that was merely early New English. I’m sure now that I have taken German, I would understand a lot more. I’m trying to read old Germanic texts even.
I just hope I can do everything right. I know this entry seems a little bit… neither here nor there… but I assure you it’s because my mind is also neither here nor there. This is all relevant and all makes sense to me. It’s all related in my head.
I think I’m finally starting to feel again. You probably don’t know what that means. Let’s suffice it to say that my life has changed a lot, but most of all my attitude. I’m trying to be more like that girl I used to be. I’m trying to smile more and be optimistic. I’m trying to remember what it’s like to learn. I’m trying to smell the roses but still get on the home at a decent hour. Sometimes the hardest thing to remember is what you want and balance that with what is good for you.
I fear the one thing I want most in life may never be mine. But we mustn’t let that stop us from being great.
I think I watch too many silly historical romance films… but perhaps that keeps me dreaming.
xxbisousxx
