Heartbreak and Happiness

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
I said too much
They’re not enough

The thing I enjoy doing the most is just laying on my bed and thinking about life; the world… anything I can.  I love this song by Snow Patrol, and I’m killing it… beating it into my head, because it makes me feel so happy.

I’m at a loss to explain how sad I am– and yet how so happy I am.  I feel like everything in the world is perfect right now… except my apparently disgustingly dirty suite.  I came back around midnight last night and there she was… waiting for me.  Carolin said Done came home and just started screaming.  Glad I wasn’t there.  She ruined my high… my perfect happiness that I thought could never be shattered.

My night ended around 2 am with tears and an immense feeling of loneliness for the first time.  I started to remember who I was and where I was.  I’m a country girl, for example… and this city life is harder to adjust to than I thought it would be.  I hate how dirty cities are… I’m thinking about starting an album of sidewalk litter… so you can see how life changes from place to place.

Last night Done kept going on how I am not doing this, this, this, this, and this…. and then I just broke down and told her everything I thought about her… save for one comment which I later told Carolin–which is to say, “They have a disease for this behavior in America… OCD”  She says, “We have it here too.”  Apparently!

It was just the culmination of all my fears about the girl.  I just hate living around people who make me out to be some evil beeeotch.  I’m such a clean person with my public space, I don’t understand it.  I don’t think my great grandmother’s house would be clean enough for her.  She needs a hospital or something.

So alas, the storm is over, and I guess I have nothing to fear now.  I just avoid her permanently; hopefully she’ll do the same.  I said everything I felt, so I have no regrets.

I think honesty is the best policy, especially in this case.  Carolin was nice though.  She hugged me before we went to bed. 

So that’s that, and now today I had to do a presentation on the Gothic language.  My professor said we did very well (Clinton and I).  That’s nice.  I felt good about it, but I had to do so much mental prep!  It was crazy!  I am so bad at talking to people… in front of people.  But I sucked it up and I RULED

So despite my little craziness last night, I think I’m overwhelmingly content with everything.  It’s nice to be able to enjoy life you know?  A little Glühwein with my movies.  I think I’ve watched Jane Austen movies almost every day… hahahaha… sad, I know.

I want to make a note that the laundry detergent in Germany is wonderful.

Yum.

ok, xxbisousxx